How sweet it is to mature
Last week, as I was walking my aging dog Elvis, I caught myself deep in thought about how wonderful an experience it is that of receiving from him true, unconditional love. At some point I started reflecting on what, other than the blessing of having had him with me already for a bit more than 14 years, have I learned from this very special relationship.
Failing to find an answer after ‘testing’ a few rather complicated theories (as we are all tempted to do in the first instance), it came to my mind that the explanation might well lay in the simple fact that his love for me, his master, is pure, unassuming, unconditional and unquestionable. But this is something that everybody knows, so what is the real issue here?
A bit more background
The point I am trying to make is that, although Elvis’ love is ‘unrestricted’, mine, on the other hand, has limitations and complexities, and involve other kinds of emotions. By now you must be asking yourself what a dog ‘s relationship to its master, and not a complex human being relating to another, has got to do with anything (until here). And I agree. But maybe I should give you a little bit more background, so you can understand where my thoughts are coming from.
A few years ago, walking Elvis was a challenge for me especially since, I don’t know why, I had this uneasy feeling that I was being walked instead…….... His strength and eagerness to experience the outside world, i.e. the neighborhood, made him walk so fast that I did not have time to think and pay attention to what was happening around me. By contrast, nowadays, although still with his insatiable curiosity intact, his pace is much slower. He stops very often to observe or smell everything in more detail and, of course, to rest.
It truly fills my heart to see that, for him, everything seems to signify a new and exciting experience. However, his level of dependency on me has increased exponentially over the last few months. As his sight and hearing are impaired now, he needs to be closer to me and, if he could, he would be next to me all the time to feel more secure.
Reflections and lessons
As I was reflecting about this, I realized that his slow pace has had an impact on me. A positive one. Interestingly enough, since a few months back, I have noticed that when I go out (alone or with Elvis), my level of awareness as regards to what there is and/or is happening around me, has increased… I have learned to ‘stop’ or, in other words, to adjust my pace. Then, according to the circumstances, I take the time to marvel at what I see and hear, at this 'new' way of connecting with my surroundings and the thoughts that cross my mind.
Another great lesson I have learned from this wonderful furry companion is that, as I stroll at his slow pace, he facilitates the art of ‘reading’, meeting and engaging with, people. All kinds of people. For him differences between age, gender, height, weight, color, religion, academic or social background or anything else for that matters, are in the least relevant. Elvis loves being praised, petted and cared for, but he also knows that things have to be done in a certain way and that limits do exist.
The other day he walked towards a beggar and I did not stop him. Neither did this young man stop him. The man had a very calm aura, didn’t say a word and petted Elvis in such a peaceful and loving way that I felt overwhelmed. Then I started reflecting about what type of 'skillstincts' (for lack of a better word or description) my doggie has to be able to so easily elicit the best from everyone, sometimes making it look as though he 'influences' people in a very profound way.
This made me think about our own limitations, most of these resulting from prejudice and misconceptions, as well as our own fears and internal weaknesses.
But, why to share all this?
I am sharing all this because I believe that there are similarities between what I have observed in Elvis’ behavior throughout the years and our own (human) life-cycle. We have this tendency (same as Elvis in his younger days) of living our lives at a very fast pace. We wake-up in the morning and, in a blink, it feels like the day is over and we are back in bed, exhausted. We are so busy during the day wanting to know everything, nurturing the illusion of ‘being in, or having control’, being connected to technology 24/7, all the while ignoring the looks, the smell and flavor of those elements that, together with relationships, should be paid attention to in order to make us live a ‘fuller life’.
So, are we missing something? Do we have to get to the ‘third’ age to slow down and reach a level of maturity and awareness that makes us understand life in a different way?
The answer is NO, at least not necessarily. Although for doggies it comes by instinct, I believe that we should strive to emulate what our pets do and simply opt for JOY. I know… easier said than done. However, if most of us pride ourselves of being (relatively) smart, why is it that most of the time we succumb to the temptation of making the least effort possible and only get by through life?
Maybe, just maybe, because we do not take seriously enough the fact that making that simple, conscious effort we could ripe the mental, emotional and physical rewards that bring a simpler, happier and more positive attitude.
But, beware. This is not a trivial thing. We do need to do a lot of work, exercise patience, slow down, breathe and ponder. We need to manage to get through the day in harmony. It is a bit like driving a car where you get into it, sit, check your mirrors, dashboard and indicators, and then you buckle yourself up. All set, now you put first gear, look carefully to ensure you are not going to hit (or be hit by) someone, and drive carefully paying attention to the traffic (cars and pedestrians included).
An Attempt to Understand...
All the above is a symbolic and simplistic representation of life where you, in the driving seat, need to manage your own ‘traffic’ every day or, in other words, your activities, and deal with very different relationships’ dynamics. To this effect, here I dare providing some pointers for this exercise.
When there is too much 'traffic'
Normally our senses become even more alert. We are very aware of our surroundings and continuously look around to prevent any accident. We are constantly thinking on different strategies to prevent conflictive situations. We pay extreme attention because there is always the one oddball that will create a situation of risk just because of lack of patience.
Similarly, during a busy and complicated day that may provoke high levels of stress, we need to breathe, think and focus on our task and objective. It is easy to get caught by the rush of the day and feel overwhelmed by anxiety. This will take us nowhere.
Connect to your surroundings, to the here and now, check out the distortions you may be creating. Sometimes our own fears, coupled with high levels of anxiety, can make us see things in ways that are not in line with the objective reality, bringing even more anxiety and hence creating a vicious circle.
When the 'road' is clear
A great opportunity to enjoy the ride! However, you may be tempted to go too fast and hence run the risk of being yourself the one that causes an issue that could hurt you (too).
When you feel that you have time, grab that precious moment and ‘use’ it the best way you can, according to your needs and wants.
When you are late
Unlike the above-mentioned situation, sometimes we get very stressed because we are late for an appointment. We may drive fast, take unnecessary risks, and even blame the traffic for our situation. How much may be attributable to lack of planning from our side? How much to traffic? How much or, to which extent do we want (or need) to blame others?
So, as we grow ‘more mature’, we get better at developing ideas and follow pointers relating to how do we want our life to be. However, these can change without any notice. We need to learn to be flexible since, even though we think and nurture the idea that we have ‘control’ over our life, do we really? Even if you want to go from A to B, you may experience some detour to C and D before reaching B. So, same as in road traffic, things can change in a second and we need to be flexible enough to quickly ‘adapt’ in order to avoid difficult situations.
Carrying too much weight
Think about the consequences of driving an overly loaded car. Perhaps damage its structure, the shock absorbers, the engine and the cost of additional amounts of energy required to keep going.
With the right, balanced weight you would be able to drive that car everyday in a more relaxed manner. You may even start enjoying the ride and the landscape, not losing focus on the road, of course.
Similarly, think about the physical (muscle stress), mental and emotional impact that a healthier approach to life would have on you.
I believe that an increased level of general awareness about our lives, i.e. being more connected with the meaning of our journey on this Earth, exercising more care in the process of balancing the interaction between our internal and external worlds, understanding our physical and intellectual limitations, and not least humbly embracing our luck of being here would, probably, have an ‘interesting’ impact on our emotions and relationships with people as well as our surroundings.
